The moments in our Love that I can see in my head

Spring and Layette

I had gone up to see Siouxsie at Formula so many time now. It was the start of my career and Siouxsie was a big part of me breaking into the music biz. I loved her for that. Her office was a thin little sliver of a room with piles of promo photos and press releases stacked every where. It was a mess. Siouxsie had the smallest little piece of an office at the end of the room, but she had the window. On the this particular day I came to visit her when I sat down in her little room in front of me to my left was this woman/girl in a big loose sweater and large thick glasses and long black hair. She seemed closed off to anyone talking to her but Siouxsie introduced us. She looked up and maybe at that moment it happened. I said hello and she said her name was Susan. Great but I kept on, Susan was Asian, I asked her where she was from, and she said she was from Korean. I asked Is Susan you Korean name, said no it Soo Hyun. I was like Soo Hyun that’s a great name; you should be Soo Hyun not Susan and the rest of the gang in the office agreed. From then on Susan became Soo Hyun. You looked at me kind of irritated but you smile may have hooked me right then. Your beautiful smile your amazing oval eyes, your thick lips. I clearly remember walking out of that office thinking of you. I can see that moment so clearly now. I got in the weird elevator, got down to the street at spring and Laffette on that spring day not knowing that my life had changed.

If I could turn back time

I have for a long time now lived and loved with my partner Soo Hyun. 15 years. We have an amazing son Nomi Star. As of the last 2 months we have be torn apart by an affair. The affair never had it's chance to complete it's self, but the damage has been done. My partner and I are now going thru marriage counseling twice a week. We both as well go to a separate therapist, or at least I think she is, she never talks about the sessions. To say the least this has been a shock to my system, I have been brought to my knees. The pain and loss are something I have never felt in my life.

I have been talking to my friends and family. They give my words of wisdom, on what I should do . Leave her alone, give her space, she will come back. take care of yourself, she will regret this soon. All of them do not know my wife as I do. She has for a long time put on a happy face for the public that she loved me, and we were a great couple. Under it all she was very unhappy with me and her life. She was living a lie. I believed her lie just like every one else.

I can make this all about her but it is not. I take responsibility for where we are at now, for my part in the relationship going south. I am very defensive, can be hard to live with, negative and I went thru a depression... I am make great progress in dealing with these issues and feel very good about that.

We lost touch with each other in moving to LA. She and I slipped way from each other. The ties that bind us now are very thin. The biggest tie is Nomi Star. I do not know how he will adjust to a life with out his core family. So many children are made to endure this selfish act that two people force on them . We had a child. In my heart I was going to give him a family, but now it is out of my control.

My heart tells me that we can work this out, we can become stronger couple. That we will be able to start new. I am putting my heart and soul into therapy. I am trying my best to give Soo her space. I can not help her she can only help herself. I can let Soo find herself in any way she needs to. She may find herself in the arms of another man. Then come back to me an realize how good my arm around her feel. I am not going to live in future land.

I have been loyal in my mind and body to Soo Hyun for a very long time. She knows that, my actions speak louder then words.

I Know she understands me. Space.